From the search terms

Somebody used this phrase in a search engine and found their way here:

i dont want to care for my disabled sister

…and I can’t let that one sit silently.

Anonymous person? I hear you, loud and clear. There’s a reason I live 3000 miles away from my sister right now. (Okay, a bunch of reasons, most of which have nothing to do with her – I have this amazing job that can’t exist anywhere else.) There’s a reason my mom told me to go to the college really far from home if I wanted to do that, and not feel like I had to attend the local college that was my second choice.

Of course, I ALSO do want to care for my sister. This stuff isn’t easy, and there are times when all I want to do is scream at the world that this sucks – just because I am feeling mixed up about my relationship with my sister, not because of her disabilities! It can be freaking HARD to love someone who has really dramatic needs, some days, and I think it’s maybe that much harder when that someone has been part of your life for almost all of your life. I absolutely sometimes feel resentful that I am “stuck” with Lily, just by accident of our birth as sisters. I do believe that just being genetically related isn’t enough of a reason to make one person responsible to another. (The continuing choice to be responsible to someone IS a reason to be responsible to someone, I think. And I happen to believe that we as a community are obligated to each other, but I think that’s only a little bit related here.) I know that despite my resentment and frustration etc., I myself have made the choice to be responsible to and for Lily.

So: many hugs, if you want them, Person Who Searched For That Phrase, and best of luck. If you’re reading this, you should also feel free to contact me about writing your own post(s) here, if you think that you’d like that. Same for anyone else reading.

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2 Comments on “From the search terms”

  1. As a person who thought I might have to care for a beloved grandpa with Alzheimer’s, but didn’t, and worries that I might have to someday/be the only one left to care for a mother Who Doesn’t Have MS (she totally does), this short post made me feel feels.

    Thank you for writing it. You seem just awfully, awfully lovely.

    • Elysia says:

      You’re sweet to say such nice things! Hugs to you and your mom! I hope, like my mom, yours is being helped by the new drugs and strategies that have been coming out to manage MS.

      I am having a messy health night, so I’m going to leave it there for now, but I am glad that you are here, and hope we can have a conversation about caring for parents. 🙂


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